Forever Dying AKA My Life As It Is
by The Wizzard
Summary: Depressing Songfic to My Life As It Is by the Golden Gael, fellow fanfiction.net writer. About Alucard's thoughts on love, hate, and his own teacharous life. Golden Gael did give me permission to use this song. In fact, it was written for me specifically.


I do not own Castlevania. Konami owns that.  
I did not write the song, "My Life As It Is." The Golden Gael wrote it.  
  
Forever Dying AKA "My Life As It Is"  
  
Alucard was standing in the desolate wasteland known as Ssenkcalb fo Dnal  
(Shan-Kelp-fo-Nall): Ancient Tongue for: Desert of Death. After being exiled  
from the village near Castlevania two years before, he had become a lone  
drifter, going from town, setting camp there until they found the true   
identity of the dhampire. It eventually happened with all towns. He would be  
taken in, given a place to stay for a few nights, and eventually rejected.  
Sent to another town, just to be thrown out again and again. Deep inside  
of him there was sadness, and a secret desire to find a village that   
would accept him, and not reject him just for what he is. But he   
knew very well that it was just a twisted fantasy. Being dhampire is a  
curse. If he were full vampire, he at least wouldn't be miserable as he  
was then. But it wasn't going to change.   
  
**********************************************  
It's so over now, You've left me all alone   
Everyone has gone in my life, I've been broken down to nothing   
Why did you have to die? Some please tell me why?   
Why did she have to leave? Why do they abandon me?  
  
[Chorus]  
Everyone is hit or miss. No one even thinks it really cares   
This is my life as it is. As it lays at my feet beside my tears  
**********************************************  
  
He needed to learn to deal with it. Since becoming a drifter, he saw very little of Richter and Maria. It had seemed as if they had just disappeared from his life. He had only seen  
Richter twice in the past two years, and Maria five times. Over the past   
years, Alucard had become lonely. But it was a necessary thing to prevent  
his vampiric side from taking over his mind and body. As Alucard was walking   
along in the lonely desert, he thought, "Why did I have to be cursed with  
immortality?! God damn it! Why do I have to watch my loved ones grow old and  
die away when I am forever young?! Why did I have to be the son of   
The Impaler?! Why must I be the offspring of the lord of all-evil?! Why?!  
The curse works so painfully well!   
  
**********************************************  
I may end it all today. As my love evaporates   
My screams becoming ever silent. My feelings buried in the shit   
I could quit, just call it a day. You wouldn't care anyway   
For I carry the sorrow of this world. Inside me, in my eyes as I cry  
  
[Chorus]  
Everyone is hit or miss. No one even thinks it really cares   
This is my life as it is. As it lays at my feet beside my tears  
**********************************************  
  
The one thing that could end my misery is the vampiric side I inherited from my father. But the selflessness I attain from my mother won't allow me to do that, for I would suffer   
1,000 thousand hells to keep these innocents safe from the evil passed  
on from my damned bloodline!" Alucard had seen what had happened to  
Sonia Belmont only to know the fate of Maria, and every other woman  
he will ever love. Why couldn't he go back to his childhood? Back in  
the years of Kid Dracula. Those were the good times. When he didn't   
have to worry about love, when he didn't have a care in the world,   
back in time when he didn't have to worry about suffering for the   
innocent. Back when he was heartless. At least he wouldn't feel  
guilty for his evils, for he would know no other world but his own.  
But like many other things, that world was just a twisted fantasy, a hope that  
he knew very well would never come true. He was to remain suffering for  
eternity, never to get used to it. For it was a curse that would always force him  
to suffer.   
A curse that would last an eternity.  
  
**********************************************  
Now, as I look Into the shadow of death   
Now as I cut myself, My blood runs deeper than you ever could   
But like you, my blood is now free, And soon I will stand beside   
All of my fallen faithful, For now my life pours over my hands  
  
[Chorus]  
Everyone is hit or miss. No one even thinks it really cares   
This is my life as it is. As it lays at my feet beside my tears  
  
[Repeat Chorus]  
Everyone is hit or miss. No one even thinks it really cares   
This is my life as it is. As it lays at my feet beside my tears  
This is my life as it is…  
********************************************** 


End file.
